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Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep. (Fran Lebowitz)

Life is something that everyone should try at least once. (Henry J. Tillman)

On the plus side, death is one of the few things that can be done just as easily lying down. (Woody Allen)

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work... I want to achieve it through not dying. (Woody Allen)

Life is a sexually transmitted disease. (R. D. Laing)

Life is just one damned thing after another. (Elbert Hubbard)

Life is a foreign language; all men mispronounce it. (Christopher Morley)

The report of my death was an exaggeration. (Mark Twain New York Journal June 2 1897)

A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic. (Joseph Stalin)

I suppose that I shall have to die beyond my means. (Oscar Wilde upon being told the cost of an operation)

If I could drop dead right now, I'd be the happiest man alive. (Samuel Goldwyn)

Is there life before death? (Graffito)

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune. (Woody Allen)

It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over. (Edna St. Vincent Millay)

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable. (Woody Allen)

Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. (Susan Ertz)

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. (Sam Levenson)

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with an insurance salesman? (Woody Allen)

Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up. (Wilson Mizner)

For three days after death hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off. (Johnny Carson)

To my embarrassment I was born in bed with a lady. (Wilson Mizner)

Life is just a bowl of pits. (Rodney Dangerfield)

Never knock on Death's door: ring the bell and run away! Death really hates that! (Matt Frewer)

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